Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
