I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
