you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
