Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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