I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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