who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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