girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
