got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
