I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
