Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
