Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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