3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fill condoms, not promises.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
