never play flip cup with pint glasses
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i out mim tonsoeep
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
