If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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