I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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