he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
