Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I touched a dick in church today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
