I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
