Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
