if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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