I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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