Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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