Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
