he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
