I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
