On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
