Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
