you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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