Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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