jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
