It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
