I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
