Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
