i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
