Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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