How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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