Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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