I hate all girls vehemently.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
