I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
