Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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