I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
