If i could tip my vagina, i would.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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