new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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