that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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