Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
