she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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