How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
