Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
