also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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