i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
