I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
