"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
