and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Two words: nipple clamps
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