I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
