Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All the doctor said was why
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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