it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
