just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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