1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
