maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
