You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
