Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
