he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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