i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
