The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
