Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
