Umm I'm too high to move.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
