I need help removing her.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
