Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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