Define "chronic" masturbator.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
