So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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