After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
