You can't motorboat a personality
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
