One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The air was thick with penises
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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