Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
