i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
