I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
