Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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