In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I had to cum in my sink.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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