I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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